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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25912483">Merlin's Tits...</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/aanathemaa/pseuds/aanathemaa'>aanathemaa</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Muggle Culture, Pining, Pre-Relationship, Texting</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:42:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,295</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25912483</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/aanathemaa/pseuds/aanathemaa</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Prongs: so</p><p>Prongs: i might get expelled but </p><p>Wormtail: James, no :(</p><p>Prongs: i have to do it in the name of love </p><p>Wormtail: please no, Moony stop him </p><p>Moony: Let me see what he came up with first. </p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, hinted mostly</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>86</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Merlin's Tits...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>a short, silly rendition of something out of 10 things i hate about you</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>m a r a u d e r s</strong>
</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> guys</p><p><strong>Wormtail:</strong> what?</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> gUYS</p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> PRONGS</p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> Yes?</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> G U Y S </p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> Merlin's tits...</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> listen guys</p><p><strong>Wormtail:</strong> please stop</p><p><strong>Wormtail:</strong> this test is giving me enough anxiety as it is</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> NO TIME FOR BLSPHEMY MOONY</p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> dudeee youre sitting next to MOONY </p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> if you fail it youre an actual dumbass </p><p><strong>Wormtail:</strong> I'm sorry Padfoot</p><p><strong>Wormtail:</strong> I'm not as good at this life of crime as you are</p><p><strong>Wormtail:</strong> McGonagall scares me you know that </p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> It's okay, Peter, I'll help.</p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> :(</p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> moony you never help me</p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> ??? I literally always help you??</p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> you didnt sit with me tho :(</p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> Uh, yeah.</p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> Remember when McGonagall banned you from sitting next to either of us? </p><p><strong>Padfoot</strong>: damn </p><p><strong>Padfoot</strong>: i know</p><p><strong>Padfoot</strong>: she's giving me the cold shoulder :/ </p><p><strong>Prongs</strong>: NO TIMEEE</p><p><strong>Prongs</strong>: listn</p><p><strong>Padfoot</strong>: we listningggg</p><p><strong>Prongs</strong>: i m planning my nxt movE</p><p><strong>Prongs</strong>: TO PURSUE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE</p><p><strong>Padfoot</strong>: AYYYYY</p><p><strong>Moony</strong>: No</p><p><strong>Prongs</strong>: ??????</p><p><strong>Padfoot</strong>: yess</p><p><strong>Moony</strong>: I'm not writing any more poems for you James</p><p><strong>Moony</strong>: I love you but Lily threteaned me with her Divination notes</p><p><strong>Moony</strong>: And all of you know that the only reason we pass that class is because she gives them to me</p><p><strong>Padfoot</strong>: i mean yah those were cringe</p><p><strong>Padfoot</strong>: u write well moony but cant read about emerald eys and fiery hair no more</p><p><strong>Wormtail</strong>: when I delivered the last one because James was in detention</p><p><strong>Wormtail</strong>: she told me she was gonna help me see the Nargles if I ever scheme with you again </p><p><strong>Wormtail</strong>: I'm too young to die James :(</p><p><strong>Padfoot</strong>: haaaaa she good</p><p><strong>Padfoot</strong>: whee was i tho?</p><p><strong>Moony</strong>: You were in detention too.</p><p><strong>Wormtail</strong>: detention</p><p><strong>Padfoot</strong>: damn i lost track</p><p><strong>Prongs</strong>: nooo moony its smth else</p><p><strong>Prongs</strong>: i still dnt know how she found out tho</p><p><strong>Moony</strong>: ...</p><p><strong>Moony</strong>: Really?</p><p><strong>Prongs</strong>: shut up &gt;:(</p><p><strong>Prongs</strong>: i can write its just</p><p><strong>Prongs</strong>: if i start i wont stopppp</p><p><strong>Moony</strong>: Don't I know it?</p><p><strong>Prongs</strong>: you were just much more focused</p><p><strong>Moony</strong>: Just spit it out before Padfoot explodes. He's tapping his leg so loudly, I can hear him from here. </p><p><strong>Padfoot</strong>: im not about to explodeee</p><p><strong>Padfoot</strong>: justt excited </p><p><strong>Padfoot</strong>: !!</p><p><strong>Moony</strong>: It's okay Pads :)</p><p><strong>Prongs</strong>: OKAy</p><p><strong>Prongs</strong>: so</p><p><strong>Prongs</strong>: i might get expelled but </p><p><strong>Wormtail</strong>: James, no :(</p><p><strong>Prongs</strong>: i have to do it in the name of love </p><p><strong>Wormtail</strong>: please no, Moony stop him </p><p><strong>Moony</strong>: Let me see what he came up with first. </p><p><strong>Padfoot</strong>: have faith in my prongs!!! let him speakk</p><p><strong>Prongs</strong>: yall have so little faith in me</p><p><strong>Padfoot</strong>: AYYYY</p><p><strong>Prongs</strong>: we r literally soulmates pads</p><p><strong>Padfoot</strong>: i KNOWWW </p><p><strong>Moony</strong>: Wasn't Lily your soulmate?</p><p><strong>Padfoot</strong>: moony pleas</p><p><strong>Padfoot</strong>: shes the mistress</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> my heart's big enough for 4 </p><p><strong>Wormtail:</strong> awwww</p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> You're hopeless</p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> But I love you :)</p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> like all of us or just prongs?</p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> What?</p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> well i mean were like 10 mintues into this conversation andd</p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> you already told prongs you love him twice</p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> im just saying that im standing right here 5 rows behind u</p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> and jst as hopeless as him </p><p><strong>Wormtail:</strong> can you leave Moony alone so he can help me with question number 8??</p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> I love you too Sirius</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> is evanesce wormy</p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> Prongs, no</p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> what was that noise??</p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> was that pads??</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> uh yeah </p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> Pads, you alright??</p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> Btw, it's not Evanesce</p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> That's second year</p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> It's Evanesco</p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> Write something like "it's used to vanish both animate and inanimate objects" </p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> damn moony thanks &lt;3</p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> im finee</p><p><strong>Wormtail:</strong> thanks Moony</p><p><strong>Wormtail:</strong> what happened?</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>buckinblack</strong>
</p><p> </p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> you hopeless indeed</p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> shut up you know i cnt takle affectinate moony </p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> i know he didnt mean it like that </p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> dont worry</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> pads just talk to him smetimes</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> i think theres more there</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> i feel it in my heart </p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> like you feel it in your heart tht lily is your soulmate???</p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> i dont want to ruin everything </p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> i dont want him to hate me</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> firST OF ALL </p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> hes not going to hate you pads moony could never </p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> and SECOND</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> i will marry lily evans</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> you just wait :)</p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> i hope you do prongs &lt;3</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>m a r a u d e r s</strong>
</p><p> </p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> i leaned too much in my seattt</p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> i almost died</p><p><strong>Wormtail:</strong> wow</p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> That squeal tho </p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> moony shush</p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> its enough that snapes snickering </p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> prongs tell us the plan before we die of old agee</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> right!!!</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> the plan!!!</p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> Let's see it</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> you know marlene right??</p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> duh</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> well </p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> she showed me this muggle song</p><p><strong>Wormtail:</strong> what is it??</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> its called cant take my eyes off of you</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> i listend to it and its the perfect choice </p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> for my serenade</p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> PREONGSSS</p><p><strong>Wormtail:</strong> PREongs lol</p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> Here we go...</p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> MY MAN IS SO ROMANTIC!!</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LcJm1pOswfM">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LcJm1pOswfM</a> here it iss</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> and i want to sing it to her after the match tomrrow</p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> Wait.. you mean with everyone there???</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> yES</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> then she will know how much i love herrr </p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> Merlin help us.. </p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> YESSS DO IT</p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> You think this is a good idea?</p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> She'll kill you </p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> its either her or mcgnagall</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> personally i choose a crime of passion</p><p><strong>Wormtail:</strong> she will kill us too </p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> !!!! PARTYPOOPERS</p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> CHEER ON MY MAN </p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> thank you pads &lt;3</p><p><strong>Wormtail:</strong> the only thing I get out of this friendship is unlimited detention :(</p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> Fine.. what do you need us to do?</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> MOONY</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> THANK YOU</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> pads you talk to the rest of team and get them with the program</p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> ay ay captain!!</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> moony you need to talk to that guy from the band you know</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> from the spring ball</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> i need backup </p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> ..I'll try </p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> you are a ray of sunshine </p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> I doubt it</p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> YOU ARE MOONS</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> you are</p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> !!!</p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> Alright, alright</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> WOrmy you need to make sure she doesnt leave early </p><p><strong>Wormtail:</strong> how?? its not like I can keep here there</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> talk to her!!! its not that hard</p><p><strong>Wormtail:</strong> ...</p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> ...</p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> They're not wrong</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> fine it is hard for me too but thats because </p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> i forget how to breathe and form words when shes around </p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> just do it wormy pleaseee</p><p><strong>Wormtail:</strong> fine </p><p><strong>Wormtail:</strong> might as well die in style</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> then its set!!!</p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> its gonna be amazing prongs i know itt</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> thanks pads &lt;3</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> Was it worth it? </p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> HELL YEAH</p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> i dont know how </p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> mcgee lets you stay a prefect moony </p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> Honestly, I have no idea either. </p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> i think i saw her smile once</p><p><strong>Wormtail:</strong> no James</p><p><strong>Wormtail:</strong> that was her laughing at you </p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> she laughed????</p><p><strong>Wormtail:</strong> yeah </p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> i made her laugh &lt;3</p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> You're so whipped it's both gross and sweet </p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> wormtail where did you go???</p><p><strong>Wormtail:</strong> sneaked out before McGonagall could see me </p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> you rat!!!</p><p><strong>Wormtail:</strong> hey i did my part</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> ASKLLAKJSKJH</p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> whats she doing here?? </p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> shes sso beatifful i cannot </p><p><strong>Moony:</strong> Get yourself together James </p><p><strong>Padfoot:</strong> what are they talking about???</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> shes leaving</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> no dont leave</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>goddess</strong>
</p><p> </p><p><strong>Lily Evans:</strong> You owe me. </p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> LILY</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> how did you do that???</p><p><strong>Lily Evans:</strong> I told McGonagall that we all need to work on a project for Potions.</p><p><strong>Lily Evans:</strong> You're welcome.</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> !!!!!!!!!!</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> A literal angel</p><p><strong>Lily Evans:</strong> Stop.</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> hey lily</p><p><strong>Lily Evans:</strong> ??</p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> did you like it?</p><p><strong>Lily Evans:</strong> Shut up. </p><p><strong>Prongs:</strong> &lt;3</p>
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